- July 5, 2019
- Posted by: thegistwithprincess
- Category: Faith, Love & Relationships
Hi guys!!! How is life treating you?
I want to thank you all for the responses I received from last week’s post both privately and in the comments. I’m so glad my story resonated with you all in one way or the other. I’m sure that you must have guessed by now that I used a fake name for the senior I should never have messed with. So, for all of you that have been searching for her to beat her, I’m sorry o.
So where was I in the story?
I was in the dining hall at Dora’s table watching her make fun of me. The seniors I admired and respected were there too, some were laughing. Some were pretending not to know what was going on while some did not even pay attention. My cheeks went red with embarrassment but there was nothing I could do. She told me to go and finish eating and she would think about it. I thanked her and left but where I stood that day, I didn’t see a way out of this problem.
Anyways, I had Dora to thank because I had suddenly become popular. I was Dora’s scapegoat. People I didn’t know from jack would just walk up to me and tell me sorry and say a few mean things about Dora. It meant a lot to me back then because I felt so alone.
As for my brother, Dora or one of her minions told him I was very rude and she punished me for it. I’m very sure that the person did not add the punishment or the time I spent serving it and neither did I. all I just wanted was peace and telling my brother would call for something else so I just told him I was rude and he told me to be careful. End of story.
You can bet Dora called me that night after Prep, I knelt in her corner while she rained insults on me. She then gave me my punishments (I’m pretty sure she collected my Sunday chicken for a while) which I can’t really remember since they were mostly manual but there was this one punishment I remember clearly: Scrubbing the temptation gate.
The temptation gate was where boys could stand and see girls bathing in the hostel. It was called Temptation probably because if you were a boy and you were caught peeping, you would be punished for it.
The temptation gate was an enclosed passage in which the floors and walls were covered in thick layers of spirogyra. This punishment was meant for either the worst offenders (which I was to your girl Dora) or group offenders.
I remember scrubbing it after my evening prep one day. I didn’t even know what I was scrubbing again but I just kept on scrubbing and trying hard not to scream when the spirogyra splashed on my legs. It was a really terrible evening for me.
Eventually the whole nightmare passed away and I began to have more sense and stay in my lane. I did my best to avoid all the seniors in my hostel. I didn’t even want trouble in my life again. However, trouble just has a way of locating people and it found me again. This time, I had offended some seniors in another hostel and instead of punishing me, they told me to report myself to Dora and serve whatever punishment she gives me. Trust Dora, after insulting me, she gave me a large portion of grass to cut with my hands. I had never even cut grass with a machete before and this award winning psycho was telling me to use my hands? You’ll be surprised to know I didn’t do it at the end…I began to form sick till I fell really sick. To be very truthful, I had never be happier to be sick than at that point of my life. I was doing so badly that I had to become a day student to receive proper treatment since my secondary school did not believe in drugs. I mean, of course I was going to fall sick. At this point, I was being bullied by several other seniors, not physically this time but with errands. All my spare time was used going to do this for this senior or that for the other senior! Dora had made me an easy bullying target but at some point I was going to break down.
When I came back to the hostel, I had one final encounter with Dora. One afternoon, I came into the hostel and immediately my housemistress (remember her from last week?) blamed me for something I didn’t do. She flogged me mercilessly that afternoon. In tears, I came into the main dormitory, only to find Dora at the entrance. I expected to insult me but then she looked at me and hugged me and started insulting the housemistress. I was surprised but okay.
Still, that didn’t make me hate her less. My mind was so poisoned that years after she left, I would still paint scenarios in my mind in which I would see her again and pay her back. I just couldn’t forgive her and because of that, I wasn’t able to let go. Some of you may be thinking that I was too deep about the whole thing and yes I was. In my opinion, she ruined my JSS1 and I totally justified to not forgive her but I was wrong because Jesus said 70 x 7! I felt so justified in my unforgiveness because letting go would have meant I was letting her off the hook and I still dreamed of embarrassing her one day in the future or something like that.
Here’s the thing I didn’t get before, forgiveness isn’t sweeping things under the rock…it is simply letting go and letting God. It is literally trusting God to deal with that person instead of poisoning yourself with all that anger. So that bitterness, that anger, that thirst for vengeance may all be justified but it is simply not worth ruining the Joy and peace of mind that Jesus died to give you.
If you are like I was before, clinging to unforgiveness, thinking it’s justified, I’m here to tell you babe that you can let go! You can pray for your father to take all the hurt away and fill your heart with his love so that you can finally let go!
I have forgiven Dora with all my heart and I have let go of all of this. In my head, God has dealt with her in His own way and she’s now a changed person. Sometimes, I even pray for her and now I can’t hate her again. The next time I see her, I most definitely will not be pouring acid on her again!
Thank you all for coming to my Ted Story!
Have you been able to forgive someone that hurt you before? If yes, how did you feel after that and if no, why do you think you are unable to forgive?
I love you guys!
p.s please follow my new Instagram page for the blog @thescarlettjournal_ and expect mind blowing content!