Your failures too…😑😪

Hey guys!!!! It feels so good to be writing after such a long time. I took an examination hiatus and now I’m done with my main papers, I can finally write again!!!

You’re probably thinking that my exams went badly and that’s why I’m talking about failure today but I assure you, it’s nothing of the sort. In fact, my exams have been going great by the special grace of God and while I’m here to talk about the exams, I’m also not here to talk about the exams. Okay, I know that made no sense

I’m here to talk about how my exam preparations and how bad I was beating myself up. I had some very bad CAs and even though I was not scared, I felt extra pressured to work so hard and I did. But, I really beat myself up in a bad kind of way.

So, l always prepare a checklist for every course. It consists of all the things I have to read or go through in that course before the exam and because I’m quite slow when it comes to reading, I began to feel so angry at myself when I was not accomplishing those goals. One day, I was reading a 177 slide lecture note and I started in the morning and at about 6pm, I had only read like 70 slides. Mind you, the only break I had was my lunch break, which lasted for an hour or so and at the end of the day, I still couldn’t finish the damn note. I didn’t even realize when I busted into hot, angry tears, wondering why I was taking so much time. I mean, I’ve always known I was a slow reader but this was different, I was not making any progress, according to me and I wasn’t even sure I could remember all I had been reading  so this just even got me even more angry and yes, I panicked. What if I still wasn’t ready on the day of the exam? This happened so much during all my papers but strangely enough and this is a testimony, all my papers were wonderful and none of what I didn’t read came out, not even one.

After my second week of exams, I was preparing for Dr. Sanni’s course. That course isn’t even the easiest course in the world and we had Dr. Sanni, a highly intellectual and tasking lecturer taking the course. To crown it all, my CA in the course was so bad and my exam was my last hope to secure the bag. I was having the course on Tuesday and another course on Monday. I was ironing my cloth for Monday’s paper whilst thinking about my exams. I was wondering how the hell I was going to have time to finish revising for Dr. Sanni’s course because up until that moment there were still so many complex derivations I did not know how to do. My head was spinning and I told God I was frustrated and I’m telling you right in my ironing, He said,

“So you’re willing to trust me for your success and not with your failure?”

There and then, my mind went to my previous exams and how great they had been. I started to realize that even though I worked hard, I had to learn how to trust him to use my efforts for my success. I realized I had to let go and let God. I had been reading for this particular course since the day I got my awful test script and now I had to trust God to bring something beautiful and worthwhile out of the failures. Even though I wasn’t as prepared as I should have been, I had to trust him with my failures too.

You bet I walked into that exam hall on Tuesday with no fear at all in my heart, no sense of panic at all. I even let myself be the first person to be checked into the exam hall and as I sat, waiting for my mates to be checked in, I felt a sense of freedom and joy. I tell you guys, Joy is a weapon and I used it to ward the discouraging thoughts the enemy brought my way.

Sure enough, the exam was a walkover for me and there was absolutely no reason to have been scared in the first place. Im so glad I was able to trust God not only for my success, but with my failures too. Will you do the same today? I promise you won’t ever regret it.

I love you guys!!!

 

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